It was my first day at work training. Sitting in a room as the only Bangladeshi (or of Asian origin), I felt like the fish out of the water among the White English people. The very subject of our discussion was "Bangladeshi Girls", particularly focusing on young teenage girls growing up in a Bengali dominated area of London, namely East London. "Bangladeshi girls have no vision and aspiration, they are treated as inferior to their male counterpart, they are married off as soon as they are eighteen, they are expected to have children and then ultimately become housewives." - this was what my English colleagues were muttering away. The summary of the discussion was Bangladeshi women are oppressed. Being the only Bangladeshi in the room, I was very tempted to fight this poor notion of girls from my country. I wanted to proudly blurt out, " Do you know Bangladesh is one of the few countries in the world which have a female prime minister and opposition leader"? Something deep inside me resisted, I knew it does not depict the picture of an everyday Bangladeshi woman. While I did not agree with everything my colleagues said above, I did agree with a few points made. So, are Bangladeshi women really oppressed?
While I was growing up as teenager as in a western country as a western citizen, I had high-flying dreams. I wanted to have an excellent education, a top-notch career, I wanted to show my parents I could do much better than my brothers, I wanted to be self-sufficient and independent. I could not even imagine myself as a housewife like my mother. "Noway", I would say. Soon, my dreams were shuttered like the Oprah music that shatters the windows. I was fortunate enough to have an excellent education and to have a good career, but sadly it was not the route to my happiness. So, what went wrong?
I would come home from a long-day's work, find the kitchen sink filled with unwashed dishes, undress myself, clean the house, cook dinner and then eventually hit the bed totally exhausted. Weekends were spent doing mega cooking for the entire week. I did not have any time to read a book, call a friend, visit a family member or even to think. Living in the West, we did not have the luxury of a maid. While I was busy completing chores after work, my husband would be snoring away on the couch. I couldn't afford to do that, but he could since he is a man. He was never taught how to cut an onion, let alone cook a meal. Even if he knew it, why would he do it? He has never seen his father get busy in the kitchen. To him, it was strange, it was unnerving to be part of the kitchen. Now, this is a man who migrated to the UK at the tender age of two. My brothers were also the same; they grew up in the West, but my mother never taught them to cook or clean. To her, it was not something a MAN does. I spoke to my many Bangladeshi friends on this topic, they too have confirmed that it was the same case in their households.
Soon, I realized, my mother was actually smarter. While I dreamt to be a superwoman, I came to apprehend that I was only oppressing myself in the process. I was a full time employee, a housewife with no helping hand, on top of that, I was a mother. I enrolled myself in many roles without even realizing what I was getting into. It doesn't matter how much salary I earned, what great career I have, at the end of the day, I will have to come home and fulfill my responsibilities as a "housewife".
I am sure the feminists haven't thought about these issues before- or even if they have, they deliberately avoided it. I painstakingly admitted to myself, it is not a career that can make a woman happy, it is having a happy life. What is a happy life? To me, it is being able to spend quality time with my family, doing things I always wanted to do, not getting overly stressed and being able to take care of physical and mental health.
Now that I have left my career to look after my home and family,do I regret it? No, not even for a second. I imprecisely came to the conclusion to that being a "housewife" is not so bad at all. Actually, I think the honorary term "nation-builder" is more suitable for all those ladies out there who are giving up their career to look after their homes and children. Applause yourself, you are educating the next generation, who will be the future of this world.
So, who is to blame for the oppression of Bangladeshi Women and the shortcoming of our Bangladeshi men? I think it is the Bangladeshi women themselves. It is the fault of our mothers. They taught their sons it is degrading to do household chores, it is a woman's preoccupation. Often times, a Bangladeshi girl knows how to cook and clean by the age of fifteen, but a very few boys of that age know how to even make a simple cup of tea. How often do we hear a mother-in-law disgrudgingly saying "my son, who never went to the kitchen before, now has to vacuum the house, mop the floor after marriage". How sad is our state? We, women, as mothers have been oppressed and we encourage this oppression to continue. I believe, the fate of Bangladeshi women will never change until we empower our daughters (and daughter-in-laws) and learn to treat our boys and girls equally.
I totally agree with you, specially that part where you termed the stay-at-home mothers as "nation-builder"s, and that we women are more to be blamed for our oppression.
We hope our current nation-builders will build a nation where they will empower ther daughters (and daughter-in-laws) and treat ther boys and girls equally.
It seems this is your first writing here. Keep up your wonderful writing.
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বাংলা (ইউনিকোডে) অথবা ইংরেজীতে আপনার মন্তব্য লিখুন:
We hope our current nation-builders will build a nation where they will empower ther daughters (and daughter-in-laws) and treat ther boys and girls equally.
It seems this is your first writing here. Keep up your wonderful writing.